IUI #13 - Beta

On the way to work this morning, my husband said there is still a chance that I’m pregnant because I might have messed up the hpt test yesterday. It’s good to hear him be on the positive side. It gave me a little hope that yesterday was a false negative.

While waiting for the call from the clinic on the results of my test, I debated whether I wanted to answer the phone or let it go to voicemail. A part of me just didn’t want to hear those dreaded three words “I am sorry…” Another part of me wanted to answer the phone and ask the coordinator for her opinion of whether I should try IUI again. The hours went by and there was no call. I knew that the later the call, it’s basically bad news.

Finally at 2:40 pm, the phone rang. I recognized the number on the call display and picked up the phone. After the polite greetings, the coordinator said “I am sorry blah blah blah.” Basically, all I heard were those three words. One would think that a person having heard those words over and over again would make a person less disappointed. Not so. It hurt less the first few times because I had more patience and I was younger. Now that I’ve heard it ten times already, and I’m in my third year of trying, it’s heartbreaking news. I’m glad that the coordinator was nice in her approach to delivering the bad news. At times like this, it probably sucks to be in her shoes.
Anyways, I’m supposed to call the secretary next week to see where I’m at on the hysteroscopy waiting list. If the wait is still long then we will decide on what to do in the interim. I hope to get a different drug if I am going to do another IUI. I have gotten pregnant once without drugs, once with Clomid and once with Femera. My body doesn’t seem to want to give me another baby with Femera. What a stubborn little bitch!

On the way to work

It feels gloomy today with the grey clouds. On our way to work, my husband saw a faint rainbow in the clouds. When I got into the office, I looked out my window and the same rainbow was right in front of me. It reminded me of a saying about silver lining (don’t quite remember it now). Is this a sign that the end of my infertility will be a rainbow? Well, I can’t see any right now (a sad trombone plays on).

IUI #13 - 10dpiui

I decided to do an hpt for this cycle using First Response hpt (can test as early as 5 days before the period). Never have I experienced difficulty peeing on a stick like I did this morning. Let’s just say that there was no decent stream for me to hold the stick under (and I had a lot to pee!). I had to improvise and, finally, was able to hold the stick for a few seconds under a very low flow. As I waited for the test line to appear, I sat there starring at the stick and tried to use my mind to make the second red line to appear. Needless to say, it was negative.

I was hoping that all the pregnancy news that I’ve heard in these past weeks would be a sign that I’m next. Where the hell did the stork go? Did he suddenly run out of baby news when it came to me? What a tease!

I’m confused about what to do next. Should I continue with IUI? Should I stop IUI and wait to do IVF? Should I quit my job?

Unexplained infertility totally sucks ass!!!