IUI #13 - Beta

On the way to work this morning, my husband said there is still a chance that I’m pregnant because I might have messed up the hpt test yesterday. It’s good to hear him be on the positive side. It gave me a little hope that yesterday was a false negative.

While waiting for the call from the clinic on the results of my test, I debated whether I wanted to answer the phone or let it go to voicemail. A part of me just didn’t want to hear those dreaded three words “I am sorry…” Another part of me wanted to answer the phone and ask the coordinator for her opinion of whether I should try IUI again. The hours went by and there was no call. I knew that the later the call, it’s basically bad news.

Finally at 2:40 pm, the phone rang. I recognized the number on the call display and picked up the phone. After the polite greetings, the coordinator said “I am sorry blah blah blah.” Basically, all I heard were those three words. One would think that a person having heard those words over and over again would make a person less disappointed. Not so. It hurt less the first few times because I had more patience and I was younger. Now that I’ve heard it ten times already, and I’m in my third year of trying, it’s heartbreaking news. I’m glad that the coordinator was nice in her approach to delivering the bad news. At times like this, it probably sucks to be in her shoes.
Anyways, I’m supposed to call the secretary next week to see where I’m at on the hysteroscopy waiting list. If the wait is still long then we will decide on what to do in the interim. I hope to get a different drug if I am going to do another IUI. I have gotten pregnant once without drugs, once with Clomid and once with Femera. My body doesn’t seem to want to give me another baby with Femera. What a stubborn little bitch!

On the way to work

It feels gloomy today with the grey clouds. On our way to work, my husband saw a faint rainbow in the clouds. When I got into the office, I looked out my window and the same rainbow was right in front of me. It reminded me of a saying about silver lining (don’t quite remember it now). Is this a sign that the end of my infertility will be a rainbow? Well, I can’t see any right now (a sad trombone plays on).

IUI #13 - 10dpiui

I decided to do an hpt for this cycle using First Response hpt (can test as early as 5 days before the period). Never have I experienced difficulty peeing on a stick like I did this morning. Let’s just say that there was no decent stream for me to hold the stick under (and I had a lot to pee!). I had to improvise and, finally, was able to hold the stick for a few seconds under a very low flow. As I waited for the test line to appear, I sat there starring at the stick and tried to use my mind to make the second red line to appear. Needless to say, it was negative.

I was hoping that all the pregnancy news that I’ve heard in these past weeks would be a sign that I’m next. Where the hell did the stork go? Did he suddenly run out of baby news when it came to me? What a tease!

I’m confused about what to do next. Should I continue with IUI? Should I stop IUI and wait to do IVF? Should I quit my job?

Unexplained infertility totally sucks ass!!!

IUI #12 - A Bust!!!

This time I stuck it out and didn't use a home pregnancy test. It was hard! Today, my mind kept wondering if I was pregnant or not. I always made sure my cell phone was with me all the time. Half of my day was on hold. If my husband was not home with me, it would have been much more difficult for me waiting for the result from the clinic. From now on, I will use a home pregnancy test first.

IUI #12 - CD18 and insemination day

Attempt #12 has been a bit out of the ordinary. In this cycle, I took Femera on CD 3 to 7 along with ASA. In the past, I usually ovulate on CD16 on the first cycle with Femera and then on CD13 on the second consecutive cycle with Femera. This is the first cycle with Femera (took a break last month) and I'm ovulating on CD18. In addition, the second follicle is big enough to warrant measurement. There is no big jump in the size of the follicles as they grow gradually each day. My husband said the follicles are growing like me (I do things slow). I really hope this is a good sign.

Today I had my IUI #12 at around 9:45am. There is one large follicle (2.0cm) on the right side and a borderline follicle (1.5cm) on the left side. I know that ovulating naturally will only result in one mature follicle but I am hoping for a miracle.

The Beta test is scheduled to be on September 4th (a day right after our wedding anniversary). I will try to refrain from using the home pregnancy tests and wait for the blood test result. I hope that I can give my husband a sweet wedding anniversary present this year with a positive result.

To do pgd or not to do pgd?

I stressed myself out today by debating in my head whether to do pgd or not. I have searched the topic on google and bing – “how accurate is pgd”, “limitations of pgd” and “pros and cons of pgd”. From what I’ve read, studies show pregnancy and miscarriage rates are lower with pgd. The latter is beneficial to me but if it lowers my chances of getting pregnant, then what good will the reduction in miscarriage rate do for me? Considering that I was able to get pregnant through IUI (6% success rate), will I be lucky enough to also get pregnant through the reduced success rate of IVF with pgd? Or is my luck running out since it took me five tries last year to get pregnant (even though it ended in miscarriage)?

Another concern I have is false negatives and false positives from the pgd results. What if the embryos were normal but the test results come back saying they are abnormal and I can't get any transfers? What if the normal embryos were traumatized by the pgd biopsy that it can't develop normally? Am I willing to take the risks? Or is this all just luck? Anybody know where I can get a magic lamp that will grant me just one wish?

Our next step...

Well, I am finally writing about our meeting with our fertility specialist on July 22nd. Since both IUIs failed, our doctor recommended IVF. In addition, she said that since IVF is expensive, she suggests that I have a hysteroscopy first just to make sure my uterus is ok (my uterus has a little dip in the middle). There is a waiting list for the hysteroscopy because the hospital only provides certain time slots for this kind of procedure. She said that there is approximately five months wait. Holy crap! I can't do nothing for five months. I've already been idle for the first four months of this year. I'm going to be 36 by the end of this year and my eggs are aging along with me. My husband asked if we can try with IUI and femera while we wait for the hysteroscopy. We got a go ahead from the doctor. Phew, I guess? At least I'm not idle. The doctor prescribed two cycles worth of femera so I guess I have two more tries this year.

Two other things the doctor brought up was IvIg and pre-implantation genetics diagnosis (pgd). She prefers that I do the IvIg in the hospital to be administered by the person who usually does this kind of treatment. Good news for me that she is cautious with regards to this procedure. As for pgd, she said that the clinic I went to earlier this year for the recurrent miscarriage analysis does this procedure. If we opt for this then we would probably have to do the IVF at that clinic. The problem I have with this is the full bladder and having to travel quite a ways. If we do decide on this path then I'll just have to suck it up and take it for the team.