On the way to work this morning, my husband said there is still a chance that I’m pregnant because I might have messed up the hpt test yesterday. It’s good to hear him be on the positive side. It gave me a little hope that yesterday was a false negative.
While waiting for the call from the clinic on the results of my test, I debated whether I wanted to answer the phone or let it go to voicemail. A part of me just didn’t want to hear those dreaded three words “I am sorry…” Another part of me wanted to answer the phone and ask the coordinator for her opinion of whether I should try IUI again. The hours went by and there was no call. I knew that the later the call, it’s basically bad news.
Finally at 2:40 pm, the phone rang. I recognized the number on the call display and picked up the phone. After the polite greetings, the coordinator said “I am sorry blah blah blah.” Basically, all I heard were those three words. One would think that a person having heard those words over and over again would make a person less disappointed. Not so. It hurt less the first few times because I had more patience and I was younger. Now that I’ve heard it ten times already, and I’m in my third year of trying, it’s heartbreaking news. I’m glad that the coordinator was nice in her approach to delivering the bad news. At times like this, it probably sucks to be in her shoes.
Anyways, I’m supposed to call the secretary next week to see where I’m at on the hysteroscopy waiting list. If the wait is still long then we will decide on what to do in the interim. I hope to get a different drug if I am going to do another IUI. I have gotten pregnant once without drugs, once with Clomid and once with Femera. My body doesn’t seem to want to give me another baby with Femera. What a stubborn little bitch!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Oh Bebs, I'm so sorry. The dreaded TWW is purgatorial - I think even people who haven't been through treatment can appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteBut phone call is something else entirely. The crescendo of fear that rises in you as the minutes tick on, knowing all the time that every second takes you further away from being one of the happy calls, cannot be described or expressed accurately to anyone who hasn't been waiting by the receiver.
J never wanted to answer. It was an unspoken rule that I would always pick up the phone to soften the blow. We would try to while away the day, doing something, anything, to try to distract us. Often landing on a work day, I would make sure that I was working from home that day, or take a half day: fearing that I would need to be strong and comfort J; hoping beyond all hope that it could be time spent celebrating.
At our original clinic we weren't even supposed to do the pee test - they considered them far too unreliable for early-stage testing and insisted on blood tests - so J had even longer to count the symptoms of an onrushing period. So the call would come, and, just like you, I would only hear the first few words: "I'm sorry, but..."
Again, like you, we had many attempts - 5 full IVFs preceded by a single IUI. We'd never had a positive result. I don't know how you feel about them, but I can't help thinking that IUIs, whilst a lot cheaper, don't offer much of an uplift in the odds of conception beyond the 'natural' method. We couldn't wait, couldn't have so many failed attempts - we wanted to do whatever was going to give us the best chance of success, as early as possible.
Perhaps that's why we resorted to the IVIG. It might not have been used in clinically controlled blind trials, but the anecdotal evidence seemed to suggest an increase in success rates and we weren't exactly getting much of a result using the usual treatment methods. Did you look into it any more after we traded emails?
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that you get to pick the treatment that *you* feel is going to work best for you. To go through the physical and mental torment of the TTC process and not have full input would be even more frustrating.
Keep believing - and my thoughts are with you.
Jezzafuji
Thank you for the post jezzafuji. I have been off the fertility treatment for a few months and haven't updated the blog (mental holiday). Sorry for the late reply. We have looked into IVIG and my doctor recommended that I do blood tests to see if my immunity is out of whack before I go for the IVIG. The test is only done in the United States at the Alan E. Beer Center. We have recently registered with the clinic. On the other hand, I have just started a fertility treatment cycle. The tests recommended by the Alan Beer Center will need to wait until I finish this cycle.
ReplyDelete