IUI #13 - Beta

On the way to work this morning, my husband said there is still a chance that I’m pregnant because I might have messed up the hpt test yesterday. It’s good to hear him be on the positive side. It gave me a little hope that yesterday was a false negative.

While waiting for the call from the clinic on the results of my test, I debated whether I wanted to answer the phone or let it go to voicemail. A part of me just didn’t want to hear those dreaded three words “I am sorry…” Another part of me wanted to answer the phone and ask the coordinator for her opinion of whether I should try IUI again. The hours went by and there was no call. I knew that the later the call, it’s basically bad news.

Finally at 2:40 pm, the phone rang. I recognized the number on the call display and picked up the phone. After the polite greetings, the coordinator said “I am sorry blah blah blah.” Basically, all I heard were those three words. One would think that a person having heard those words over and over again would make a person less disappointed. Not so. It hurt less the first few times because I had more patience and I was younger. Now that I’ve heard it ten times already, and I’m in my third year of trying, it’s heartbreaking news. I’m glad that the coordinator was nice in her approach to delivering the bad news. At times like this, it probably sucks to be in her shoes.
Anyways, I’m supposed to call the secretary next week to see where I’m at on the hysteroscopy waiting list. If the wait is still long then we will decide on what to do in the interim. I hope to get a different drug if I am going to do another IUI. I have gotten pregnant once without drugs, once with Clomid and once with Femera. My body doesn’t seem to want to give me another baby with Femera. What a stubborn little bitch!

On the way to work

It feels gloomy today with the grey clouds. On our way to work, my husband saw a faint rainbow in the clouds. When I got into the office, I looked out my window and the same rainbow was right in front of me. It reminded me of a saying about silver lining (don’t quite remember it now). Is this a sign that the end of my infertility will be a rainbow? Well, I can’t see any right now (a sad trombone plays on).

IUI #13 - 10dpiui

I decided to do an hpt for this cycle using First Response hpt (can test as early as 5 days before the period). Never have I experienced difficulty peeing on a stick like I did this morning. Let’s just say that there was no decent stream for me to hold the stick under (and I had a lot to pee!). I had to improvise and, finally, was able to hold the stick for a few seconds under a very low flow. As I waited for the test line to appear, I sat there starring at the stick and tried to use my mind to make the second red line to appear. Needless to say, it was negative.

I was hoping that all the pregnancy news that I’ve heard in these past weeks would be a sign that I’m next. Where the hell did the stork go? Did he suddenly run out of baby news when it came to me? What a tease!

I’m confused about what to do next. Should I continue with IUI? Should I stop IUI and wait to do IVF? Should I quit my job?

Unexplained infertility totally sucks ass!!!

IUI #12 - A Bust!!!

This time I stuck it out and didn't use a home pregnancy test. It was hard! Today, my mind kept wondering if I was pregnant or not. I always made sure my cell phone was with me all the time. Half of my day was on hold. If my husband was not home with me, it would have been much more difficult for me waiting for the result from the clinic. From now on, I will use a home pregnancy test first.

IUI #12 - CD18 and insemination day

Attempt #12 has been a bit out of the ordinary. In this cycle, I took Femera on CD 3 to 7 along with ASA. In the past, I usually ovulate on CD16 on the first cycle with Femera and then on CD13 on the second consecutive cycle with Femera. This is the first cycle with Femera (took a break last month) and I'm ovulating on CD18. In addition, the second follicle is big enough to warrant measurement. There is no big jump in the size of the follicles as they grow gradually each day. My husband said the follicles are growing like me (I do things slow). I really hope this is a good sign.

Today I had my IUI #12 at around 9:45am. There is one large follicle (2.0cm) on the right side and a borderline follicle (1.5cm) on the left side. I know that ovulating naturally will only result in one mature follicle but I am hoping for a miracle.

The Beta test is scheduled to be on September 4th (a day right after our wedding anniversary). I will try to refrain from using the home pregnancy tests and wait for the blood test result. I hope that I can give my husband a sweet wedding anniversary present this year with a positive result.

To do pgd or not to do pgd?

I stressed myself out today by debating in my head whether to do pgd or not. I have searched the topic on google and bing – “how accurate is pgd”, “limitations of pgd” and “pros and cons of pgd”. From what I’ve read, studies show pregnancy and miscarriage rates are lower with pgd. The latter is beneficial to me but if it lowers my chances of getting pregnant, then what good will the reduction in miscarriage rate do for me? Considering that I was able to get pregnant through IUI (6% success rate), will I be lucky enough to also get pregnant through the reduced success rate of IVF with pgd? Or is my luck running out since it took me five tries last year to get pregnant (even though it ended in miscarriage)?

Another concern I have is false negatives and false positives from the pgd results. What if the embryos were normal but the test results come back saying they are abnormal and I can't get any transfers? What if the normal embryos were traumatized by the pgd biopsy that it can't develop normally? Am I willing to take the risks? Or is this all just luck? Anybody know where I can get a magic lamp that will grant me just one wish?

Our next step...

Well, I am finally writing about our meeting with our fertility specialist on July 22nd. Since both IUIs failed, our doctor recommended IVF. In addition, she said that since IVF is expensive, she suggests that I have a hysteroscopy first just to make sure my uterus is ok (my uterus has a little dip in the middle). There is a waiting list for the hysteroscopy because the hospital only provides certain time slots for this kind of procedure. She said that there is approximately five months wait. Holy crap! I can't do nothing for five months. I've already been idle for the first four months of this year. I'm going to be 36 by the end of this year and my eggs are aging along with me. My husband asked if we can try with IUI and femera while we wait for the hysteroscopy. We got a go ahead from the doctor. Phew, I guess? At least I'm not idle. The doctor prescribed two cycles worth of femera so I guess I have two more tries this year.

Two other things the doctor brought up was IvIg and pre-implantation genetics diagnosis (pgd). She prefers that I do the IvIg in the hospital to be administered by the person who usually does this kind of treatment. Good news for me that she is cautious with regards to this procedure. As for pgd, she said that the clinic I went to earlier this year for the recurrent miscarriage analysis does this procedure. If we opt for this then we would probably have to do the IVF at that clinic. The problem I have with this is the full bladder and having to travel quite a ways. If we do decide on this path then I'll just have to suck it up and take it for the team.

IUI #11 - The verdict is in

Well, the blood test confirmed that I am not pregnant. Now I have to make an appointment with my doctor to see what our next step will be. Back to square one. Totally sucks.

IUI #11 - 11 days past IUI

I dreamt that I took the hpt and the test says that I’m pregnant but when I gave it to two ladies (never seen them before), they told me that it’s negative.

I finally decided to wake up and actually take the hpt. I had bought the Clearblue easy to read test. I wasn’t fully awake so I had problems putting the stick into the stream. As I waited for the test result, there was a part of me that didn’t really want to know yet. Another part of me wanted to know so I can decide what to do next if it’s negative. It was a really long 3 minute wait. When the result of “not pregnant” came out, I had to take a second look to make sure. A part of me thought this time would work. I crawled back into bed for a little bit.

The real confirmation is tomorrow when I go in for my blood test.

IUI #11 - 3 Days Past IUI

What is going on with my body?

I woke up Sunday with lots of gas (burping that is) and a mild headache. The headache was carried over from Saturday.

On Monday, while washing dishes, I had cramps on my left side and then suddenly, a sharp pain in my back. I had to stop and lay down.

Today, I felt cramps on my left side and a little bit on my right side.

IUI #11 - Insemination Day

My husband came with me to have the IUI at 9:30am today. When we got there, we took care of the fees and picked up a package of Crinone. My husband read the instruction sheet for the progesterone and it said "Start Crinone on Monday, 1 am and 1 at bed." Suddenly I hear my husband say "You have to stay up until 1:00 am to take your medications." I looked at him and the co-ordinator and I started to laugh. I told him that the "1 am" meant take one in the morning not the time 1:00am.

My doctor is on vacation so her partner is taking care of her patients for the time being. While performing the IUI, the partner doctor mentioned that I might consider ivig and ivf if this cycle is not successful because this is my 11th IUI. Since my miscarriages are unexplained, the ivig might help reduce the risk of miscarriage. The ivig is basically human-derived antibodies (blood transfusion). The partner doctor said it's best done with ivf to increase the chances.

On our way home, my husband and I talked about it and are seriously considering it. However, we need to discuss this with our doctor after this cycle to see what her medical opinion is since she knows my history.

Anyways, I hope that the talk of ivig and ivf is moot and this insemination worked. Fingers and toes crossed.

IUI #11 - CD12 Second Day of Monitoring

I went in for bloodwork and ultrasound today. My right follicle is 2.2 cm and my uterus lining is 0.7. The co-ordinator told me that I am starting to surge because my LH has doubled from yesterday.

I took an HCG shot at around 8:30 pm.

I will be going in for an IUI on Saturday at 9:30 am.

This is it!!!

IUI #11 - CD 11 First Day of Monitoring

Today is my first day of monitoring. I went in for bloodwork and ultrasound. One follicle on my right side and I think my follicle size is 2.0 cm. Awesome!

IUI #11 - CD3 Full Bladder Ultrasound

Yikes! Today, I had to go in for a full bladder ultrasound to see if I have any cysts before taking Femera. I really hate the feeling of the pressure on my bladder.

I never understood why I had to go in with a full bladder when afterwards; they always do a transvaginal ultrasound. This time, I asked the lab technician. According to the lab technician, the full bladder ultrasound gives her a better view of the pelvic area, the ability to detect large cysts and possibly see things that might be missed by the transvaginal ultrasound. Okay, good enough for me.

I was told that I don’t need to have a really full bladder because it makes my uterus tilt and as a result, not much can be seen. Phew, that is good news for me.

I got the green light to start Femera today.

Infertility Sucks! Part V

January 2009

- no longer taking Chinese herbal tea

February 11, 2009

We went to see the specialist that studies recurrent miscarriages. I had a blood test done at the clinic (took 8 to 10 vials) and another test done at the nearby hospital (took 8 to 10 vials).

April 23, 2009

Follow up at the specialist. The Feb. 11 test results showed elevated TSH level (may be the reason for the miscarriages). The specialist recommended low dose ASA (81mg) and for us to go back and see him when we are pregnant so they can monitor us. Took another TSH blood test and another bunch of blood tests for study purposes. Later found out that the TSH blood test came back normal.

April 2009

- stopped acupuncture

May 14 - Jun. 13, 2009 (IUI #10)

- 2.5 mg of Femera on cycle days 4 to 8, Bromocriptine 1.25mg, ASA 81mg, IUI, progesterone suppositories and Crinone

- full bladder ultrasound on May 16th (cycle day 3) to see if there are cysts before starting Femera

- blood tests on May 16th: TSH = hypo, PRL = 12, and FSH = 5.1

- forgot to take Femera on May 16th so started on May 17th (day 4)

- blood test on May 26th (day 13) showed normal TSH level

- left follicle: 2.2cm and uterus lining: 0.8cm

- IUI on May 29th (day 16)

- Jun. 11th pregnancy test was negative

Infertility Sucks! Part IV

Aug. 20 - Sep. 17, 2008 (IUI #8)

- 2.5 mg of Femera on cycle days 3 to 7, Bromocriptine 2.5mg, Metformin 500mg (3 times a day), Chinese herbal tea, acupuncture, IUI and progesterone suppositories

- HCG shot and acupuncture on Sep. 2nd (day 14)

- right follicle: 2.25cm and uterus lining: 0.1cm

- IUI on Sep. 3rd (day 15)

- Sep. 15th pregnancy test was negative

Sep. 18 - Nov. 22, 2008 (IUI #9)

- 2.5 mg of Femera on cycle days 3 to 7, Bromocriptine 2.5mg, Metformin 500mg (3 times a day), Chinese herbal tea, acupuncture, IUI, progesterone suppositories, Crinone and HCG support

- full bladder ultrasound on Sep. 20th (cycle day 3) to see if there are cysts before starting Femera

- left follicle: 2.369 cm and uterus lining: 0.8cm

- acupuncture and IUI on Sep. 30th (day 13) - Hubby came with me for the first time

- hpt on Oct. 12th - First Response showed positive - Hubby wanted reassurance so we went out and bought Clear Blue Easy to Read and it said "Pregnant"

- I cried because it finally happened. I was worried that the D+C might have had a negative effect on my chances of getting pregnant.

- blood test on Oct. 14th (cycle day 27 or 14 days past IUI) and HCG was at 123 (best result of the three pregnancies)

- stopped taking Bromocriptine on Oct. 15th (day 28)

- blood test on Oct. 16th showed HCG at approx. 300

- light brown spot on underwear on Oct. 24th (24 days past IUI)

- dark brown spotting on Oct. 25th

- light brown spotting on Oct. 26th

- blood on tissue on Oct. 27th

- ultrasound on Oct. 28th (week 4) showed sac in the uterus; picked up another bottle of HCG and 18 applicators of Crinone

- ultrasound on Nov. 7th (week 5 and 4 days) showed fetus growth rate is fine but heartbeat is a bit slow - 94 to 95 rpm

- ultrasound on Nov. 17th (week 7) did not show any heartbeat (had bloodwork done at the hospital)

- D+C on Nov. 23rd

ARRRRGH!!!

Infertility Sucks! Part III

January 11, 2008

- started acupuncture and Chinese herbal tea

Apr. 26 - May 23, 2008 (IUI #5)

- 50 mg of Clomid on cycle days 4 to 8, Bromocriptine 1.25mg, Chinese herbal tea, acupuncture, IUI and progesterone suppositories

- ultrasound on Apr. 29th (cycle day 4) to check for cysts before taking Clomid

- acupuncture on May 9th

- left follicle: 2.5cm and uterus lining: 0.85cm

- IUI on May 10th (day 15) done by partner doctor

- May 22nd pregnancy test was negative

May 24 - Jun. 21, 2008 (IUI #6)

- 50 mg of Clomid on cycle days 4 to 8, Bromocriptine 1.25mg, Chinese herbal tea, acupuncture, IUI and progesterone suppositories

- ultrasound on May 27th (cycle day 4) to check for cysts before taking Clomid (found a small paraovarian on my left side)

- two left follicles: 2.0cm and 1.5cm and uterus lining: 0.9cm

- IUI on Jun. 7th (day 15) and 8th (day 16)

- Jun. 20th pregnancy test was negative

Jun. 22 - Jul. 20, 2008 (IUI #7)

- natural cycle, Bromocriptine 1.25mg - 2.5mg, Chinese herbal tea, acupuncture, IUI and progesterone suppositories

- ultrasound on Jun. 25th (cycle day 4) and decided to do a natural cycle with Chinese herbal tea

- Jun. 30th prolactin test result was 36.5 (high) and increased Bromocriptine to 2.5mg (full pill)

- right follicle: 1.87cm and uterus lining: 0.9cm

- IUI on Jul. 6th (day 15) done by partner doctor

- Jul. 18th pregnancy test was negative

Infertility Sucks! - Part II

Aug. 7 - Sep. 14, 2007

- tried to conceive again (natural cycle) but I did not ovulate during the cycle

- FSH test on Aug. 9th showed a level of 4.1 (normal)

- took provera for 7 days starting on August 31st (drug helps to bring on my period)

Sep. 15 - Oct. 15, 2007 (IUI #3)

- 25 mg of Clomid on cycle days 4 to 8, Bromocriptine 1.25mg, IUI and progesterone suppositories

- ultrasound on Sep. 18th (cycle day 4) to check for cysts before taking Clomid

- surged on Sep. 30th

- left follicle: 2.1cm and right follicle: 1.3cm

- IUI on Oct. 1st (day 17)

- Oct. 15th pregnancy test was negative

Oct. 16 - Dec. 16, 2007 (IUI #4)

- 25 mg of Clomid on cycle days 4 to 8, Bromocriptine 1.25mg, IUI and progesterone suppositories

- ultrasound on Oct. 19th (cycle day 4) to check for cysts before taking Clomid

- right follicle: 25.11cm and left follicle: 11.99cm

- 1st IUI on Oct. 30th (day 15) and 2nd IUI on Oct. 31st (day 16)

- pregnancy test showed HCG level of 23 on Nov. 12th, increased to 71 on Nov. 14th and 938 on Nov. 19th

- experienced pregnancy symptom (sore right breast) on Nov. 19th

- 1st ultrasound on Nov 29th at 11:55am - faint heartbeat at 6 weeks and 4 days

- 2nd ultrasound on Dec. 7th at 9:40am - fetus is smaller and the heartbeat is slower for 7 weeks and 4 days old

- 3rd ultrasound on Dec. 14th at 11:45am - no heartbeat

- Dec. 14th - had a blood test done at the hospital and then met with hospital nurse to discuss the preparations required for dilation and curettage (D+C)

- I was really scared because I have never been in the operation room (OR) before.

- Dec. 16th - freezing rain and lots of snow as we head to the hospital for D+C (went into the OR at 10:30am). When I woke up in the recovery room, I noticed tears have rolled down the side of my right eye.

- My Hubby was really supportive during this whole procedure.

Infertility Sucks! - Part I

In 2006, my hubby and I decided we would try to have a baby through donor sperm. We went to see a fertility specialist. Just to cover all grounds, my husband had a sperm analysis done and I had blood tests, a 3D ultrasound and an Hysterosalpingogram (HSG). The tests confirmed that my hubby did not have any sperm. My blood tests show that I have an elevated prolactin level, both my tubes are fine and my uterus had a little dent at the top but I was told that it was not a concern. Then we met with a consultant regarding donor sperm.

In 2007, we started trying to conceive:

Feb. 20 - Mar. 24, 2007 (IUI #1)

- natural cycle, Bromocriptine 1.25mg, intrauterine insemination (IUI) and progesterone suppositories

- 1st IUI on Mar. 10th (day 19) and 2nd IUI on Mar. 11th (day 20)

- pregnancy test was negative

Mar. 25 - May 6, 2007 (IUI #2)

- natural cycle, Bromocriptine 1.25mg, IUI and progesterone suppositories

- 1st IUI on Apr. 9th (day 16) and 2nd IUI on Apr. 10th (day 17)

- I had a dream on Apr. 9th that I was pregnant

- I had to go in for a pregnancy blood test on a Monday Apr. 23rd. I couldn't wait so I did a home pregnancy test on Saturday morning. It was my last home pregnancy test. I saw a very very very faint vertical line after 10 minutes (faint positive). I got really excited but still wasn't sure if I was just seeing things.

- Blood test showed HCG level of 6 on Apr. 23rd, increased to 21 on Apr. 25th and then 66 on Apr. 27th. In the evening of Apr. 27th, I started to spot. Within a week, the joy turned into worry.

- On Apr. 30th, I increased my progesterone to twice a day. I continued to spot for the whole week.

- On May 4th, I had an ultrasound and they couldn't find a sac. There was a fear of ectopic pregnancy.

- On May 6th, I had this excruciating pain at around 12:15 am and my period came.

- My HCG level dropped to 13 on May 7th and then to 0 on May 11th.

May 6 - Aug. 6, 2007 (IUI #2)

-recovering period

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